Often when we speak about coercive control, it is in the case of adults in domestic and family violence cases, but it is being found more and more that coercive control is also something that is having a major impact on our young people.
eSafety Commissioner Julie Inman Grant said their latest research suggests many Australians, especially young adults 18 to 24 years, find it hard to walk the line between care and control online in romantic relationships.
“For example, nearly 1 in 5 think it’s okay to track a partner whenever they want and almost 1 in 3 believe constantly texting their partner to ask what they’re doing and who they’re with is a sign of care,” she said.
“Down the line, these types of micro-controlling behaviours can lead to a very suffocating and dangerous form of abuse called ‘tech-based coercive control’: a pattern of abusive behaviour that plays out online and on digital devices with the intention to control someone through manipulation, pressure and fear.
“This type of abuse is frequently hidden from others because it’s difficult to spot. It’s easy for people to ignore or dismiss micro red flags – such as 24/7 texting, obsessively checking who a partner is with and ‘love bombing’ – as over the top and enthusiastic signs of affection.
“It often only becomes clear over time when lots of individual actions adds up to a wider, more obvious pattern of controlling behaviour.”
Another challenge is young people in a first serious relationship might not know their own digital boundaries and how to maintain them.
There’s also a concerning knowledge gap about how common this abuse is and how harmful it can be.
Australian research reveals only 2 in 5 young adults aged 18 to 24 years understand what the term ‘coercive control’ means, and many people don’t realise it can lead to lethal violence in situations of domestic violence.
“Our advisory ‘When love becomes control’ breaks down this complex behaviour online for parents and carers.
“We want to help them identify it, talk about it and prevent it by role-modelling respectful technology practices and boundaries with their children and young people.
“We want parents and carers to consider how they might be accidentally normalising controlling and monitoring behaviours through their use of location-sharing apps.
“I’m concerned we’re encouraging children to accept tracking without question because we’re not having conversations about why and when we’re using certain apps to keep them safe, as well as explaining how the app works, what data is shared, and inviting them to ask questions.”
Ms Inman Grant said that as a parent of two young teens, she knows location-sharing apps are useful tools when it comes to our never-ending job of keeping children safe.
“However, I also caution parents and carers against downloading and using these apps on children’s devices without a conversation and without education.
“We must tread carefully before more young people become immune to the idea of being monitored with no thought for their privacy, safety or right to disconnect.
“We want parents and carers to be alert for possible online abuses impacting their children, whether that be a first boyfriend or girlfriend becoming a bit too obsessive, cyberbullying or grooming by a stranger.
“The signs to watch for include your child withdrawing from friends or activities, changes in their mood or confidence, or constant phone checking or fear of missing messages.
“In cases of cyberbullying, image-based abuse and other online harms, we have powers to remove harmful content – and we encourage parents to help their kids report it to eSafety.gov.au.”
eSafety supports a whole-of-school approach to respectful relationships education, including online relationships.
This means embedding respectful behaviours across all aspects of school life, including leadership, policies, culture, wellbeing time and community engagement, rather than relying solely on classroom-based lessons.
Ms Inman Grant highlighted they were seeing some concerning trends in school communities, including the rise of AI-generated sexually explicit content targeting teachers and other students.
“Although some may perceive these acts as pranks or jokes, they’re a serious breach of trust and safety, and constitute a form of image-based abuse.
“These behaviours can cause serious and lasting harm to the victim, including psychological distress, social isolation and reputational damage.
“This is why respectful relationships education must include clear, age-appropriate discussions about consent, digital behaviours, power dynamics and gendered abuse.
“Young people need to understand the real-world consequences of their online actions, particularly in the context of sharing and creating intimate content.
“eSafety welcomes efforts by the education sector and Our Watch to support schools to deliver respectful relationships education in a consistent and evidence-based way.
“We work closely with the education sector to provide training, resources and tools through our Toolkit for Schools and classroom resources.
“We encourage any school experiencing online abuse to reach out to eSafety for expert support and advice.
The eSafety website also provides free webinars and professional learning for both families and educators. These sessions offer practical advice for navigating digital challenges and fostering safer online environments for all students.
Parents and carers can register for webinars at eSafety.gov.au/parents/webinars.
Teachers can explore training opportunities at Professional learning for teachers.
eSafety believes online safety and respectful relationships education are important at every life stage from early childhood through to later life.
That’s why they offer comprehensive resources for parents of under-fives and early childhood educators, as well as older Australians through our Be Connected program.
